The Life of a Girl in the VALLEY!!

For my hubbyface

2007-11-14T06:37:30Z

ok Johnny, i saw your myspace post, so this is for you...

I opened this month's issue of Squelch and this was on the first page:

Titled: I Bet I Can Have Sex With You

"If you're like me, you're having sex RIGHT NOW. Oh but youre not, loser. Unlike you, whose penis is probably well-pantsed, I'm what you might call a 'pickup artisit'.

But, you ask, what's a pickup artist? A pickup artist is a guy who, using only his brain, can convince women that he is somehow bone-able. Think of me as a factory that turns the ore of sweet talk and compliments into the refined alloy of satisfied moans, thereby producing oral sex as a byproduct, which in turn is dumped into the river and gives the nearby villagers leukemia.

It's really not that difficult. All it takes is lying to women. Or does it? Yes. Yes it does. See what I was doing there? I was lying.

During the 'size up' stage, I like to find a certain aspect of a girl's life that is obviously important to her, and pretend it's my own. If she's wearing a red dress, she's probably uninhibited and confident. Tell her how confident you are about not having inhibitions. If she's wearing a suit that controls her immediate environment so that the vacuum of space doesn't cause her body to expand uncontrollably, she's probably an astronaut. Tell her you once went to the Exploratorium without getting high first.

After I've got my foot in the door, I like to pretend to have emotions. I'll bring an onion to the bar, which'll cause fake tears, and a picture of my stepdad, which causes very real anger. I'll sidle up to her, crying and yelling, and she will be overcome by moisture. Most of it will be hers.

Okay, ladies, balls in your court. Just try and not have sex with me after I drop a line like, 'I am to sex what Henry Kissinger is to jowls.' On an unrelated note, here are some vitamins that only work when mixed with your Bacardi."

-BH, DH, FT-H (The editors)

mood_4_luv @ 2004-04-29T17:45:00

2004-04-30T00:49:25Z

Happy Birthday

LINDSAY FACE!!

I love you girl! you are my sun and my moon, and my big-bootied sistaa

much love

mood_4_luv @ 2004-01-28T18:43:00

2004-01-29T02:46:57Z

friends, remind me why i have a livejournal

♥

mood_4_luv @ 2004-01-08T00:55:00

2004-01-08T08:58:48Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTOPH!!!

i love you!!

joey

mood_4_luv @ 2004-01-03T00:04:00

2004-01-03T08:11:20Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!!!!!!!!

i loooooooove you x 698769765875875476546363456423 + 1

♥

mood_4_luv @ 2003-12-14T23:52:00

2003-12-15T07:55:31Z

Soon ends our stay here and it's been fun
So tonight I'll raise my glass to us
'cause we've talked so much
I think we filled this ashtray twice,
and I'm pretty sure we emptied every bottle in the place,
so let's walk home, let's be afraid
I wanna grab you by the arms and kiss you so hard
Let's do it right under the streetlight
I want it now, somehow I forgot how

♥

the big. . .

2003-11-22T18:10:34Z

1-8

ooooohh the days....

2003-11-13T03:39:16Z

♥

mood_4_luv @ 2003-11-03T22:30:00

2003-11-04T06:50:09Z

Well love is a bitch,
all relationships end.
What happens now,
when that persons gone,
The one who you thought
you could always count on.
You fall in love
and they fall out.
Love is a bitch,
all relationships end.

How do I let go of a love
that meant so much to me?
How do I go on
when your part of me?
I'm dying inside
each time i see you.
Don't lose sight of me
cause youre all i see.
Youre still all i see.
This road to recovery has taken all i have

♥

mood_4_luv @ 2003-11-02T15:23:00

2003-11-02T23:40:21Z

Happy Birthday Johnny!!!
i miss you and i cant wait till you come home. zara doesnt have an lj, as you know, so she wants you to know that shes a loser without you. those arent her exact words, but you know how we do.
we love you x 3740958273409875230948570198237412.

much ♥
Joey and zara
oh, Lydia too!

mood_4_luv @ 2003-10-04T01:42:00

2003-10-04T08:43:06Z

jealous lydia?

<td bgcolor="#000000">Username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Husband</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Chad Gilbert of NFG </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Wedding Day</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">August 24, 2008</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Number of Kids</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">7</td></tr>

Your rockstar husband by girl_rotten

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

♥
me?

hey its me.

2003-10-03T05:59:54Z

brought to you in part by:
thewhitebeaner

mood_4_luv @ 2003-09-24T21:14:00

2003-09-25T04:21:01Z

Bridges of Madison County is the best movie. its so beautiful, but so depressing, i could cry for hours...made me realize how lonely i am

no ♥

fall out boy is my new found love

2003-09-19T20:31:24Z

my heart is on my sleeve
wear it like a bruise or blackeye
my badge, my witness
that means that i believed
every single lie you said

♥

end this war of weak arguments

2003-09-12T03:01:22Z

you know what i cant get enough of? when people are in denial. and when they're ridiculously dramatic and act like others have torn them apart. nobody used the phrase "youre a horrible person" during this whole thing. and honestly, i dont think anyone even had that thought in their head, but then your true feelings towards us seemed to come out in your journals. the sad reality is that being "friendly" doesnt lead to kisses and spooning. i especially love when girls try to make themselves feel better by comparing their bad decisions to others'. they'll say things like, well...lets see...something like "you know youve done worse". haha this whole thing makes me want to laugh hysterically. people need to start truely analyzing their actions and attitudes, and TAKE RESPONSIBILTY FOR THEM! im done with this shit. i have more important things to worry about. this is as "high school drama" as it gets.

♥
the not-so-valley girl

"so dont you say goodbye to me
just turn your back around and leave"

im cool!

2003-09-10T00:41:39Z

i hate tension, but i loooove pictures.
heres the gang

raising havoc in my car following the OC boys

last night miniature golfing. lindsay cheated...i couldnt let that fly

lydia attempting to catch a glimpse of my ass, yet again

psychopath + bat = NO

matt in the batting cages. woooo! hit that shit.

i might have more later

♥
the not-so-valley girl

continued...

2003-09-08T08:12:35Z

i guess i'll just continue where i would have left off in my last entry. so yeah, after the show, we met matt and john, and decided to follow them back to matts house in OC. we somehow managed to have a really good time. somewhere between playing Jenga, and watching mr deeds, i came to the realization that they're fuckin awesome! they managed to keep me entertained, and if you know me well, you know thats a pretty hard task. but yeah, matt came to hang out with us again today, and lindz got to go out too, finally! wooo! so we went miniature golfing and played in the arcade for a little bit...and, thats it i guess. it was enjoyable. i have class in the morning, so im gonna go to sleep.

♥
the not-so-valley girl

i ♥ the OC

2003-09-07T22:09:44Z

last night was awesome. the show was eh...but the starting line never ceases to amaze me. i was going fucking crazy, it was great. except for the fact that i got beat up pretty bad and have a burn from someones shoe on my back and a scratch on my face. This is Lydia finishing up joey's journal:
yeah we got beat up at the starting line and then got grossed out because of all the older guys liking little girls (13 year olds) action. Um...we decided that the night would have been a total loss if we hadn't met up with John and Matt. Yeah, they knew how to and i quote joey on this "pull random things out of their asses (like jenga) and make us have a great time". We're happy with our new found friends and we like that we have an alternative to valley life now. *woot* ok well joey is probably going to delete or edit this but it was rad while it lasted. Now we are going to go to the movies with Zara and Matt.

♥
1/2 joeeeyyy
&
1/2 thewhitebeaner

mood_4_luv @ 2003-09-06T04:35:00

2003-09-06T12:06:25Z

i just got home from cruisin los angeles with chris and lydia. we didnt know where to go, so we drove up Mullholland for a nice view of the valley lights, and parked in some random opening cause you could see everything from there. it was really nice. the valley may be the most evil place ever, but it looks pretty fucking beautiful at 3 in the morning. sitting on the gate that kept us away from the cliff. conversing about our troubles, worries, and past experiences. we saw a coyote... and there were little animals scurrying all up in the shrubbery. scaaary. then we got on the topic of serial killers and had to leave. it was nice though. after my first week of school, i just needed to wind down. it was a good end to a week of new beginning. i talked to my friend james today, and he owes me big. so he says hes gonna find some parties for us to go to soon. better live up to his word, or hes outta here. hes lucky im still talking to him after the shit he pulled at lindsays. well, just as long as he never hits on me again, i guess im cool with him. talked to john again today, that was nice. yay! drive thru invasion tour tomorrow...or...tonight! ticketmaster released some extra tix, thank god. i cant wait. im tired. to rosas room! see ya

♥
joey

like WOAH

2003-09-05T21:04:08Z

i feel like an incredibly heavy load has been lifted from my broken back. the dramas gone! yeah! and for some reason, everythings starting to look up for me. i finally feel like i have a social life, and that there are people who truely care about me. dam, im in such a great mood! i wanna go to this show tomorrow night. im gonna go for a cute emo boy. wish me luck!

♥ always
joeeyyy

all gone

2003-09-05T09:06:22Z

since i started school, ive felt so different. seeing all those familiar faces, and truely realizing that im doing something with my youthful life made me realize whats really important right now. im starting anew at school, so im gonna start over with everything else. i cleaned up my livejournal; took out everything that would cause some sort of uneasiness if i were to look at it. Everythings back to the norm. i took out all that emo shit. it was all a reminder of drama, which is the last thing i wanna deal with right now, or even think back on. so my little phase has passed. if you know me well enough, you know im not an aggressive person, and i hardly get upset or speak my mind. so looking back made me kinda sick, cause i musta been dam unhappy to write all that stuff. i just wanted to get rid of it all. i got sucked into the whole computer/internet thing, and got myself in way too deep. so, yeah, i cant say im over "it", but im ok. i hold no hard feelings, if it even matters anymore. i just wanna get my priorities straight before anything else, and right now thats school, work, and financial aid haha. i love all you kids, and im sorry if i brought drama into your lives, or online lives...but same thing, right?

♥ ALWAYS
your valley girl

i need alcohol

2003-09-05T03:20:57Z

whats up with livejournal? weird. school was good today. i think i did well on my in-class essay, thank god. then i took like 4 1/2 pages of notes in psychology. my hand felt like it was gonna split open. i saw a bunch more people. i swear to god, every person ive ever known goes to pierce. im gonna go out tonight. i dunno where yet, but i'll figure somethin out. ive already made a few calls, so we'll see. i have math tomorrow night, which i am NOT looking forward to. ahh! johnny just IMed me from ENGLAND!!! yay! hes still alive! i love john! i cant wait till he gets back. hmmm, what else?...nothing can really top that. i think that was the highlight of my day...hmm...i might go to zaras. her dads gone, so we can do whatever. i wanted to drink, but shell have cigarettes, so its all good. i still gotta talk to desi about getting me that job at Tower records. that would be niiiice. she used to be the assistant manager, so she says they'll take me in. anyways, im gonna get ready to go out. love you all, or, most of you

♥
joey

haha, shit

2003-09-03T21:38:59Z

i went to pierce today for my oceanography class. i had to get some books for other classes, so we went and waited in the longest line ever for the bookstore. i swear to god, every few minutes, someone i knew passed by. there were so many exchanges of hugs today. it was a nice little boost for my social ego, so that was cool. anyways, i saw this girl nicole who i used to be best friends with till she left to homeschool. shes a few years older, so i used to look up to her. shes so cute and down to earth, i love it. so we get our books, and we're all waiting in line together, and someone brought up livejournal. haha, her exact response: "livejournals all drama. its just a bunch of ugly little girls who try to take cute pictures of themselves cause they find a spot with good lighting. i couldnt deal with it anymore". haha, soooooo funny. she obviously knows her shit. i really cant stand it either. yeah, so, i love all my classes. my teachers are fuckin awesome. my oceanography teacher has the worst receeding hairline eveerrrr. but hes cool. and my psych teacher says we can eat and drink in her class, so im down w/ her : ) ive spent about $400 on books so far, which is really sad. whatever, thats the price you pay for knowledge...i guess... i didnt realize how tough this semesters gonna be for me. everyone kept warning me that i was taking too hard of a load this year, but i guess i want a challenge. IM A FUCKIN CHAMP! or at least thats what ive been telling myself in preparation. have faith in me, thats all i ask. love you all

♥
joeeeyyy

a redhead NO MORE

2003-08-27T07:45:06Z

eat your heart out boys

te gusta?

thanks for your help lyd, youre the best xglossyxgirlx(aka thewhitebeaner)

♥
joey

step AWAY from the hallucinogenics!

2003-08-24T22:34:05Z

ive been getting stoned waaay too much lately. damn you johnny! damn you! anyways, lindsays back! she came over last night, and we smoked together, which we havent done in at least a year. hey, we had to celebrate her return, right? Johnnys leaving to Europe in a week! im not gonna get to hang out with him again in sooooo long! im gonna miss you, shitface! have fun! im really not liking the valley right now. theres nothing for a native to do other than turn to drugs, alcohol, and violence. ive done the same thing with the same people every night for the last week. i just want a change. i need to broaden my social horizons, or something. no offense to my friends, cause youre the only reason im still sane, with the exception of Seldon, who makes my life seem worth while. im just in a horrible mood. i dunno if im depressed, or angry, or irritable, its just...bad... this is why i stopped smoking weed. this is the aftermath of it. i was the most aggressive, unhappy...just...awful person when i was a pothead. i feel so bad for my parents for having to deal with me back then. nobody should ever have to go through that torture. whatever, i need this to end NOW

♥
joey